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WRITTEN BY BETH WOOTTON
  • Writer: The Elizabethan Book Club
    The Elizabethan Book Club
  • Jun 29, 2020
  • 4 min read

Updated: Aug 30, 2020


I have just had a strange thought about life. I read a sentence today, in a book by William Boyd, Any Human Heart (2002), about our lives being dragged out when we are old and, in a way gives rise to feelings of urgency to die, out of exhaustion. But as cliched as it sounds, it really had a profound affect on me, I'm sat here, in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, four months in, where we are slowly being allowed to go out, but mostly we are in solitude, either working remotely, or not at all. I suddenly feel a real pang of gratitude for the early life I have, and what I've experienced at 25.


I'm listening to Phoebe Bridges. Her words are sound astonishingly mature as though she has experienced a lifetime of love and loss, yet, she's twenty-five. Bridges says at one point, "I still hate you for what you did/ but I miss you like a little kid" she writes as storyteller, almost in prose, each song like a moment in her life. I felt this urge to remember important moments, and write them down, most recently having read Levels of Life (2013) & The Only Story (2019) by Julian Barnes.


Blake Morrison reviewed Levels of Life by Julian Barnes for the Guardian in April of 2013, interestingly, he said that Joan Didion wrote her book on grief, in little under a year after her husband died, then subsequently another when her daughter passed, whereas Julian Barnes took around 4 years, publishing Levels in 2013, literary agent Pat Kavanagh [Barnes wife] having passed away in 2008. I admire the strength it must take to let the world into your inner-most thoughts that a memoir provides, but, in another way I wonder: is this another part of the grieving process? To be understood and heard, to relate and maybe been drawn back into everyday life, outside your grief.


The loss and feelings don't go away, as everyone tells me you learn to live with it. I can't help but feel Barnes novel The Only Story, could only have been written and structured as it is, because of Levels of Life. Levels, the part biography/ part memoir has a confusing structure at first. I didn't understand it, in one way, to me it was like Barnes started the biography, then a sort of historical fiction, then his own essay on grief sort of collides with the rest of the book. I didn't know what to make of it initially. I was confused, and I think it's the genius of Barnes to draw your own conclusions on what the Levels of life really are.



Barnes tells the short history of 19th century Ballooning, and aerial photography at the forefront. So, on the surface, it's this story of a search for new beginnings and innovation, but then of looking back at yourself, in the images taken in the clouds. In these three sections of the book, I think Barnes is exploring the ideas of fact vs fantasy. I personally thought about all of the things we fantasise about in life, the 'what-ifs', like the two characters (real people Colonel Fred Burnaby & french actress Sarah Bernhardt) and their romance in the second part. We know they are real but the rest is romantic invention. I think Barnes is exploring how we look back on love, how we can have a facsimile of an event, then an imagined moment, entirely built on our own interpretation of love, and then the aftermath of love, the reality, the authors own feelings.





Gaspard-Félix Tournachon [Nadar] a pioneer of aerial photography in the 19th century.


I think reading this after Barnes book The Only Story, a novel written retrospectively by a middle aged man, looking back on his life, focussing on one particular part his early life, which shapes the rest of it. Written in three key sections, Barnes excellently carries us through key moments of Paul's life, we dip in and out, opening in first person, then changing tenses as he moves further away from happiness, and in a way himself. It was easier having read both books to see where the central themes of grief and devotion come from with Barnes.


This book is beautifully written, I read it in a day, it was heartbreaking. The message was such an interesting one to me, the idea we all have one key "story" in our life which defines our romantic experience, and changes us forever. It's also not necessarily the primary relationship of your life, nor is it about the longevity of the relationship. This really moved me, and weirdly I do think both books go hand-in hand, though deeply thoughtful and intense, read them both close together.


To me, it's Barnes working through things, trying to aline his thoughts - is this what love is like perhaps when you lose it, muddled and displaced? Some articles say half of the pleasure of Levels of Life, is what it doesn't say, I think it's the genius of Julian Barnes in drawing out those emotions which we often can't express to ourselves.

 

Updated: Aug 6, 2020

“The past is so close, and yet irretrievable” Hilary Mantel for BBC Bookclub 2019

Lily Allen, 2015 for i-D Magazine, Photography by Matteo Montanari



"I've been a success, and a failure"

Allen, My Thoughts Exactly 2019


I really wanted to write about Lily Allens book, and her latest album No Shame, which I feel go hand in hand. Firstly, I loved it, the book is an amazingly raw memoir, which traces key moments in Allen's life, sometimes focussed on what we may have read publicly about her, owning the things that were in her control that perhaps didn't go right. It is her "version of events" and she makes this very clear in countless interviews, and in the introduction of the book. It's written in a beautifully easy, matter-of-fact manner, you feel you are in conversation with Lily Allen. The further into this memoir you get, the more you realise, this is not a book produced in revenge on the press, (although rightly so if it was), or Allen speaking her truth, because she has to. No, I feel like this is a memoir about all the loves in her life, as well as what the trials of life bring and the lessons learnt.


This memoir is actually a great discussion on women's role in both the home and professionally. Lily Allen is nothing if not searingly honest about the trials of falling in love publicly, but also being a mother, with a career. My Thoughts Exactly is so relatable in this way, it's the explanation of her break from music, but also we get an incredible insight into her creative process and where the fabulous lyrics and melodies Allen is known for, come from. Allen has always proved herself to be the anti-popstar from day one, breaking the mould of female lyrics/music, usually circling round superficial topics. Lily's sound comes from her dismay at the female representation in music in the early 90's and 2000's. Her music has often targeted her critics, and faces her reality head-on, her latest album no different to the tone of this memoir, discussing motherhood, depression, addictions, her career, and being a modern woman in love.


HOME & WORK - Listen to: Family Man & Three from No Shame

I loved how the book sectioned off showing you key points of change almost and you feel you're learning a lesson. I listened to further interviews where Lily Allen discusses these key times in her life, mostly journalists have focussed on comments made about her family life and upbringing, as Allen speaks unabashedly of her feelings regarding lack of self and career drive in her early years, often due to a haphazardly managed home-life.


I loved the honestly in which Allen speaks about her family-life, as not being "loveless" and she now, as a mother, understands the trials her own went through as a woman with a career and small children: “You do become more forgiving of your parents once you’ve had kids” In The Bathroom 2019. I think it's so easy when you're young, to blame your parents for any feelings of isolation, especially if they are both working, and then when you get older you realise, as is the human condition, we are all deeply selfish, we do want both a family and career. Since now it is overtly accepted in society for women to do both, covertly it still isn't. Many women still have contracts and jobs terminated upon becoming pregnant or requesting time off or less working office days, Allen describes family separation and going back to work:

“I think when it came to starting to write music again and then going out on tour, I just like completely lost all sense of self, I just didn’t know what my role was”

Allen speaks candidly and so openly about motherhood, and the affect having babies had on her creative drive. During the making of her 2014 Album Sheezus, Allen talks about this being a particularly important moment, with the loss of her first child, then the fast following of two small children, within 3 years, her life has changed dramatically. The toll this takes is reflected in this album I think. Speaking to NME in 2018: "...But I can’t blame it on anyone. I OK’d it, I approved it. But because I didn’t have a sense of self at the time, I was looking to other people to guide me. And I’ve always done it myself, which is, I think, what translated to people before. The sense of honesty. I think I just felt like I couldn’t sell it, ’cause I didn’t know who I was..." I have such respect for this statement - I don't think this subject is discussed enough, and I commend Allen for saying it.


My Thoughts Exactly dips into the subtext of society's relationship with working mothers, we all want them to succeed but only in a way that is acceptable and visually pleasing for us. Allen discusses her role and the loss of role and self as a performer.


SEX & LOVE - Higher, Everything to Feel Something, Apples, Your Choice (feat. Burna Boy) on No Shame

I think so much of who we are, is because of the relationships we had when we were younger, I read a statement once that literally said we are a product of all of our previous traumas. I think this is very accurate, we accept love we think we deserve. This memoir excels in Allens thoughts on Love. Allen shows her flaws and mistakes in un-abashed honesty, and in an act of real bravery I think, admits her co-dependancy and need for support constantly in her romantic life. Allen calls herself a co-dependant, peppered throughout the book, you feel you can learn from this memoir, as she creatively draws on this vulnerability, creating beautiful melodic pieces like Higher on No Shame.


"I know I'm being used/I'm just another thing to do/I don't know why I do it to myself/Giving all my worth to someone else" Everything to Feel Something, from No Shame

So much of being in a relationship is knowing who you are, knowing what you deserve and want, but as Lily Allen writes in her music and this memoir, if you lose yourself, you can't possibly love right or be loved the way you want. She speaks about losing her mind in her music, her addictions and depression affecting how Allen deals with love. Her conversational tone is where the book and album go hand-in-hand, I loved the way Lily discusses her love life, you see they way the memoir is laid out, it is deliberately un-chronological, to show you how her experiences with love, in all forms, in her youth, have transcended into her adult life.


ON STALKING & INFLUENCE

Lily Allen was stalked and had her house broken into, she was threatened and stalked for years prior to the break-in, and received no real help from police. The break-in was ruled as an attempted burglary, sparking political action from Allen to develop real help for victims of stalking, so much of police training and action revolved around the gender of victim, much like sexual attacks it is often treated simply and written off as an overreaction and paranoia, especially as a pop-star/fan relationship.


I recently listened to Lily Allen on Elizabeth Day's podcast How To Fail, where she [Day] spoke of a viral internet video of a man who got dumped, and waited outside his ex-girlfriends house serenading her and waiting for her to take him back - he refused to move. The by-standers found it sweet and endearing, as Day describes "what people aren't seeing is a man not respecting a woman's boundaries and the fact she is saying no." Similarly, it is events such as Allens stalking which have vilified her further in the media, it is astonishing that in 2018 a woman's word against a man, is still so questioned. Allen provided all of the research and evidence of stalking, yet another form was handed into police and nothing happened, this man still continued to stalk her. I admired the real change and light she sheds on the agencies and charities dedicated to female assault and harassment victim support, which is something little known about her.


Finally, Allen talks about sex and love, relationships in all forms, her experiences making her stronger, but not necessarily healed, this book won't give you the answers, but her depiction of the roles she takes on, as both mother and performer, provide an insight into being the modern woman, and mainly, that we are not alone. We are strong in our vulnerability.


Image from GQ Online, photography by Katie Mccurdy, May 17, 2018

Stylist: Lucy Armstrong Hair Stylist: Yuhi Kim for Oribe Makeup Artist: Dana Rae Ashburn

FURTHER READING:



I love this song from No Shame, Apples and this beautiful live performance:


Further interviews quoted & used:


An interview for NME

The Guardian

i-D Magazine

NME Review

GQ Magazine


Podcasts with Lily to Listen to:


How to Fail with Elizabeth Day

Dolly Alderton's Love Stories

 
  • Writer: The Elizabethan Book Club
    The Elizabethan Book Club
  • May 27, 2020
  • 7 min read

Updated: Aug 6, 2020

Full details of the book-swap chain happening can be found on @TheElizabethanBoookclub instagram!


I started taking part in a book swap last week, the days feel like they’re melting into one, but I’m sure it was only last week. It’s been fantastic, actually, and I feel a weird connection to the people I don’t know, sending me books. I’ve had people’s personal copies of their favourite books, with hand written notes, and also amazon copies with printed notes, just as sincere and personal. I’ve started reading one of them, The Only Story by Julian Barnes. I’ll include a small review of the book when I’ve finished it. I think the book-swap has helped me feel connected to people in some way, we post so much online, that when you return to your room, it just becomes this pixelated, box of light we look into for a connection. So it’s refreshing, actually, to reach out and have that message met with a product of this communication, a physical object from someone else you don’t know, it’s like a note, saying that you've seen each other.


Anyway, book swaps aside it got me thinking about what our book choices really say about us, is it an attractive cover and an escape. What are we searching for in the pages? Moreover, this lead me to ask some friends to write me a mini recommendation or review of a book they like. I sent everyone a slightly different request and message. Some, I asked for a significant book to them, then some for a read they read a possibly a pivotal time in their lives.


Mostly, I ask because I wanted to see what it said about them, and maybe our relationship with each other - would I find out something about them? I followed up, and asked a couple of questions, but otherwise I’ve left it unedited. This wasn’t about amazing written expression, it’s just about enjoying speaking about a world you were once immersed in or when you forgot yourself, in reading. I’m hoping this encourages these lovely people to read each-other’s words, and maybe visit these books.


Whats more, I think we all can connect through these books and understand each other a little more, without needing to explain our feelings, we are using the words of others.



Artwork by Lily Bevan

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban BY J.K Rowling


'I have been a fan of the Harry Potter series for as long as I can remember. It’s a hard decision to choose one favourite but I think it has to be the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Not only are all of these books incredibly well written, moving, funny, thrilling, heart-wrenching, heart-warming (the list goes on), but they are also very close to me.

My late father introduced Harry Potter to me and started reading them to me when I was a little girl and we sadly never made it passed the Prisoner of Azkaban together. I didn’t actually finish reading the series until I was 18 (which I’ve always regretted because they’re so brilliant!).


I think this book stands out the most for me because of the introduction of Sirius Black, who is one of my favourite characters. He is exceptionally intrepid, compassionate, funny, his need to fight for what he thinks is right, and the deep love he has for those closest to him. This book is when the story really starts to unfold for me. We get to learn so much more about Harry’s past and his family, only egging us on to want to read more and more. JK Rowling has such a way of bringing this magical world to life, and I think that’s what hooks us all in; this world could be real. It’s not too fantastical that it could exist. I don’t know many friends my age who weren’t waiting for their letter from Hogwarts on their eleventh birthday. These books are brilliant if you’re 10 years old or 60 years young and I would always recommend them to anyone.'


'The film adaptation of this book has one of my all time favourite quotes, and words that I remind myself of frequently —

“It’s cruel that I got to spend so much time with James and Lily, and you so little. But know this; the ones who love us never really us, you can always find them in here”

Sirius Black, J.K Rowling'








Steal Like an Artist BY AUSTIN KLEON


'Although toilet book size, it taps into the mind of someone navigating their way through life and a creative career. This was such an inspiring read, and if I had it my way it would be on the curriculum at every art school.'


A History of The World in 21 Women BY Jenni Murray


'At this point in history where many of us feel less empowered by what we can achieve, I have been reading about achievements of the past. More specifically the achievements of twenty one bad ass women! A History of The World in 21 Women by Jenni Murray, explores history through the stories of extraordinary women. From Pharaoh Hatshepsut, one of the first historically-confirmed female Pharaohs back in 1478 BC; to Coco Chanel in the 20th Century freeing women of the ‘corseted-silhouette’; to 21st Century Australian Olympic sprinter, Cathy Freeman.

This book tells the story of each woman in chapters, going through time and history in chronological order. Covering a vast range of women, through a wide variety of ambitions and achievements. They were Pharaohs, business women, artists, scientists and politicians to name a few… in conclusion, the one thing I can be certain after reading this book, is that the twenty one women it uncovers are all QUEENS.'


Q: What was your favourite chapter?

A: 'The chapter on Queen Isabella of Castille, contained a fact at the end which I have remembered, as it resonated power and impact. In the 15th Century, in the game of chess, the Queen was only a weak player, only able to move one square at a time. Then, in 1495, when Isabella's reign became a success, the laws of chess were changed in her honour. The Queen is allowed to move across the board in all directions and as far as she liked. Today, the Queen is the most powerful piece on the chessboard, just as the woman who inspired the game to change.'



The untold lives of the women killed by Jack the Ripper BY Hallie Rubenhold


'This is a gripping and haunting account of a well-known period in history. Hallie Rubenhold exquisitely captures the unknown lives of the five women murdered by Jack the Ripper. This book is incredible in its focus entirely on the women's lives (and not on their murderer or the detail of their unfortunate deaths), and it respectfully honours the treacherous and tragic everyday lives of these five women. The book resonated with me on two levels: firstly tracing the women through the streets of London, which I couldn’t help but compare with the areas I know today, and secondly it’s brutally honest depiction of women in the second half of the nineteenth century. It has made me question how much has developed for women since then.'


Junk BY Melvin Burgess

'So I pick the book ‘Junk’ by Melvin Burgess, Young Adult book about drugs.

It hits me because the book is raw & believable and readable. It sucks you into their world. The book is focused on two 14 year olds who run away for different reasons, and how their lives gets tangled in heroin. Each chapter is from a new characters view point. It’s a book I think everyone should read once in their life as it will impact and live a mark on you.

Each chapter changes character narrative so you see different perspectives on their ‘truth’ of the story their life. What stuck with me is that the book is not based on a ‘true’ story but based on millions of true stories. If I was to compare it to a films feel it would be Kids by Larry Clark'




Journey to the river sea BY Eva Ibbottson


'I think I read this book for the first time when I was 7 or 8, and I was hooked immediately. The only books I reread as much as this were the Harry Potter series. Set in Brazil on the banks of the Amazon river it inspired my longing to travel South America and explore the Amazon just as Maia did (only without being forced to live with horrible distant relatives). With Maia being such a confident, no shit taking kinda gal, intuitive and ultimately kind character she provided the perfect example of how I wanted to be when I grew up. No matter how bad a situation (and as the book goes on they get progressively worse) she always tried to find the positive, and tried to find the adventure in everything she did. The book inspired me to travel and find my own adventures, and even though I haven't made it to the Amazon yet, I know this book is waiting to take me there until I can.'


Oranges are not the only fruit / why be happy when you can be normal Both BY Jeanette Winterson


'These two books are ones that have stood out for me in the past year, alone and as a combination. ‘Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit” was the first novel of Jeanette Winterson, published in 1985 and is semi-autobiographical. The frame work revolves around her childhood, where she recalls memories of growing up in a very conservative world that was tirelessly forcing her to conform into something she’s not - to extreme ends. I found it extremely compelling, shocking and though-provoking. It was easy to read - in the sense that, it flows almost like a stream of consciousness from beginning to end, jumping from memory to memory. The majority of these memories depict the over-riding relationship of the book, between Jeanette and her adoptive mother - which was extremely unconventional and a constant battle in her formative years.

Overall, it’s an extremely powerful book about over-coming adversary, inner-strength, survival and finding love in a place that is loveless. The reason why I mentioned the second book, was because this story was made all the more heartbreaking and fascinating by the retelling in her auto-biography, that came out in 2011. It overlaps, discusses that period of her life and the years following.



Q: What made you pick up her books up?

A: 'I found her writing very thought provoking, and profound at times, it really spoke to me, some bits I read and still speak about regularly. Like, in one book she spaces about how it’s not the incident itself that leads to madness - but the space in between it. I just found all the stuff she said about love so fascinating too, She was adopted and split from her mother sometime before she was a year old, maybe, and she speaks about how that caused a trauma in her. Like a wound that stayed an affected how she loved or could be loved. I really just liked her writing style, And I found her story pretty heartbreaking but triumphant. '




Thanks for reading!


Here are the authors in order of appearance -



Lily Bevan

Amy Costello

Ellie Armstrong

Emilia Khan

Alex Shore

Lois Hutchison

Katie Madin


 
DESIGNED USING WIX BY BETH WOOTTON
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